Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Pre race Jitters

So this race is a little different from others that I have run for a couple of reasons. First, this is the longest race I've ever run. 13.1 miles. That's about 4.0 miles longer than the Gate River Run. Second, this race has a little more meaning to me than others. It's the Marine Corps Half Marathon in Jacksonville Florida.

My husband was a Marine.  He was a young machine gunner in 1992 when his career was drastically cut short due to injury. From 1992 until his death in 2011 he was a c4 quadriplegic, paralyzed from the chest down.

As you can tell, this race is a little different. And that is probably why I am awake at 3:30 in the morning when I should be snoozing. I just couldn't stay asleep. I almost never have dreams of my husband, but tonight I did. Were they wonderful romantic dreams recalling times of joy and fun? No, it was a dream in which my husband was being silly and trying to cross a huge, muddy ditch in his wheelchair. In my mind I knew he was going to get stuck in the mud, and I was going to have to pull him out. So I got mad.

I woke up angry. Angry because my husband was getting himself into trouble and expecting me to literally pull him out, and angry because I had wanted to have a dream that was sweet and reminiscent of our fun times. I'm wide awake now.

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