5 more days 'til I can run...ahhhh!

I had surgery about 2 weeks ago to tighten up some loose skin and to put body parts back to where they were before gaining and then losing 125 pounds. It's  stunning how the human body can expand and shrink so much! But the skin can only take so much and I was left looking like a deflated balloon.

So I fixed it. I couldnt stand looking at myself, or, heaven forbid, having someone else look at my floppy, wrinkly skin. It wasn't an easy decision, as mom didn't  survive cosmetic surgery due to a pulmonary embolism after abdominoplasty with liposuction. But I had some genetic blood testing done for blood clotting disorders and all came out negative. Also, my surgery wasn't  all that invasive. It was skin excision and sewing me back up tighter than before.

So here I am, happy with my new silhouette. So happy! I can wear tank tops now without having skin spilling out from my underarms. But I haven't been able to run since the surgery more than 2 weeks ago and my next follow-up isn't for another 5 days. I pray I get clearance to run. It is so hard to watch others as they merrily trot down the street each morning. I walk a minimum of 3 miles per day, so I am moving. I want to move faster though.

I am taking solace in other activities.  I joined the gym and am allowed to do lower body exercises. My thighs are going to be huge! I also work in my woodshop at night. I am currently building an outdoor chair.

5 more days. I can build a lot of chairs between now and then.

The Dreaded Knee Problem

It was bound to happen, I suppose. Every runner must get injured eventually, right? It's just a matter of when. I thought my relatively minor hamstring pull of early 2016 was the injury. After that was healed, everything would be ok. I could count my lucky stars and move on.

But a little over a month ago, I really noticed some aching in my right knee. It was vague and itcrarely troubled me while i ran. It just troubled me every minute i wasnt running. And it started to affect my  walking gait and going down stairs became troublesome.

I made a doctors appointment, but the appointment was over 3 weeks away. I hoped the problem would resolve itself and i could just forget the whole thing. I decided i had to do something while i waited for my appointment. Maybe some shoe inserts or a knee brace? I them liked at the soles of my rjnning sneakers. They were worn paper thin. I had poor over 400 miles on these shoes. It's little wonder my buddy ached. I immediately bought new sneakers and within about 3 runs the knee pain was markedly better. After a week it was almost gone.

My appointment day arrived and i seriously conspired cancelling. The problem was almost gone. Going downstairs was almost normal again. But it wasn't all perfect, so i kept the appointment. I felt silly complaining, but the doctor immediately noticed swelling and she said there could be an injury to the meniscus. My heart sank.

Is this the end of my running, i thought?  How could it be? I just put down a deposit for my running vacation in late April, thirty-six miles of trail running in northern California. I cant miss it.

So i did what everyone does after they get a diagnosis. I googled it. Running with meniscus injury. My prospects seem ok for road running, but i may have some trouble on trails.

So I may not be able to run as much of the trail vacation as I want, but so long as I can still walk and hike, I will be ok. Its not exactly what I want, but I would rather save my knee for hiking than to ruin it for everything else by injuring it further.

So tonight, and probably for many nights to come, I will ice my knee. I will keep it above my heart whenever possible. I will wear my brace. I may have to avoid trail running or go very easy on trails. VERY EASY.

This may  make my weight loss efforts a bit more difficult, but if I truly watch my diet closely, I think I can still lose the 8 pounds I have gained.  Its just very important that I dont make this minor injury into something major.

Travel Runner

I am a travel runner. I don't know of any other way to describe my passionate pursuits. Ive been a travel runner for about 3 years now, but I only just realized it this past week. How did this realization come about?

Around late December and early January, I get into vacation planning mode.  This is when I determine where my next big adventure will be.I had always thought I was more of a photographer than a runner, so I picked vacation destinations that are quite scenic or had lots of birds.  But what I have really done is pick vacations that revolve around a running theme, such as a quirky race or a meditative running course.  

For example, in 2015 I found a 10k in Nova Scotia called "Not Since Moses". Its a crossing of the Bay of Fundy before the world's highest tide came in. I built my whole vacation around this race.  There was mud.  A lot of mud. It's rather difficult to train for mud. And there was a water crossing, which was nice because it cleaned off much of the mud from my shoes and legs.   

After this vacation, I determined I would run a 25k in my hometown.  I trained for it faithfully. In fact I was a little too faithful to the training plan and I got sick and injured my hamstring.I did the 25k and I was happy to be done with it.But the injury got me thinking " What if there comes a day when I cannot run anymore?"  This question plagued me for months.  I had to find a way to have a better relationship with my running practice.  At this point, when I was feeling vulnerable and frightened due to the injury, I was in a state of desperation.  I must run.  I must always run.  Running allows me to think clearly. I am a runner. If I can't run, then who am I?

And that question pestered me. If I can't run, then who am I? My persona had been so intertwined with running that I couldn't separate myself from it. And I feared that if I couldn't run, then the essence of me would simply crumble.

So because of this, I decided to attend a different kind of running course.This was Running with the Mind of Meditation at the Shambhala Center in Feather Lakes, Colorado. I went there under the assumption that I would learn to have a better relationship with my running.  I got exactly what I wanted. I learned that I am not just a runner.I am so much more than that. I learned that it's OK to let go of the competitiveness, the desperation, the fear. True, I may not always be able to run or I may just have to run a lot less in the future.  But for now I can. I can run on my own terms. I may never run a marathon.  I may never complete a 50k. But I no longer feel the pressure to do so. I have let go of those people and social media outlets that make me feel small or incompetent because I haven't done these things. My running practice belongs to me. My goals and accomplishments are mine alone. No one need know about them.  

Bird Photography Setup

I am happy to say that I FINALLY have my bird photography setup complete. Over the last 9 years I have steadily improved my camera bodies, starting with a Nikon D50, then moving to a D200, the D300, and now my D600. I may upgrade the body again soon, but I want to just improve my skills first. As for lenses, I've gone through a few, made some uninformed purchases, and wallowed in regret. But yesterday I received a used Nikon 80-400mm and so far I'm thrilled! This lens and camera will give me exactly what I want: long reach, low weight, good quality glass, and the ability to shoot without the need for a tripod.

Coming from a Nikon 70-200mm 2.8 (a great lens) I was expecting that the 80-400 was going to be terribly heavy. But since its not a fixed aperture lens, it has less glass.The weight is almost the same as the 70-200. Honestly, it feels lighter, easier to handle. I haven't had a chance to play with it much, though. I love the reach! I am not good with binoculars , maybe due to an astigmatic left eye, so I've always relied on a camera to see birds. 200mm is just not enough. And now I don't have to deal with it anymore.

Will I sell the 70-200mm? Probably. But the verdict is still out.

2017 Trip Plans

Rocky Mountain National Park, Sept 2016, E. Gilley

The year of 2016 is coming to a close, and there have been big changes for me. I finally left my house after purchasing a new one (new to me, certainly not a new house). I purchased a lovely Jacuzzi and have been melting my muscles in it regularly. I finally made it to Colorado, and I loved it! I am finally programming integrations, something I've desired for several years. I ran a 25k for the first time and possibly last.  So, I have made some good progress this year. I am thankful for these changes.

Now, I must start thinking of my goals for next year. I feel like  my days of excessive running are probably over. I still run 5 days a week, but I run for enjoyment and general health. Maybe I'll run the Gate River Run, but that's only 9.3 miles. I want to maintain the integrity of my joints, and I find that runs beyond 7 miles are too harsh on my knees.

Now that my days of desperate running are over, I feel I can focus on my other loves: birding, photography, and nature travel.  I also want to focus on creating a physic garden in my backyard. I may raise some quails or hens for eggs, too. I want my home to be as sustainable as possible. In a few years I would love to have the house running on solar power.

So, potential goals are:
A Florida Photo Big Year- photograph as many of the 516 Florida bird species as possible.

Start a simple organic physic garden with expansion goals

Investigate raising chickens or quails for eggs. Privacy fencing required.

Plan for solar power. Determine tree limbs to be cut.

Running with the Mind of Meditation: Herding Thoughts while Avoiding a Cardiac Event

What is my motivation? I ask myself this question over and over again during the central portion of my meditative run in Red Feather Lakes, Colorado. I've come a long way from Florida to attend the Running with the Mind of Meditation retreat at Shambhala Mountain Center, and my assignment today is a contemplative meditation. I'm to run 30 minutes, a run of three 10 minute segments. Segment one is a warm up. I can talk, socialize, think of chocolate, whatever I want. Segment two is where I am supposed to contemplate the question "what is my motivation?". The final segment is cool down time.

The goal of the question is not necessarily to find the answer. Repeating the question many times in my head as I huff and puff up a hill at 8000 feet of elevation is a method to get me focused, a training of the brain as well as body.

And what are these things called "hills"? I don't see them in Florida. That's a question for another blog post. And there goes my mind, rambling down a path it wasn't scheduled to travel.

Bringing the mind back to the question, a few answers pop to the forefront. Nature! My motivation for running is to be in Nature, witnessing the smells of evergreens, viewing the pale bark of the birch trees, anticipating the cool mountain breeze that I can hear rolling down the valley. Yes, being at one with Nature is my motivation.

But is that all? It can't be. At home in Florida, where there are no mountains or the breezes that come with the monoliths, I run almost everyday, outdoors, in the dark, on an urban sidewalk. Occasionally, I see a Green Heron or a few White Ibis passing overhead as the sun ascends, but my witness of Nature is pretty scarce on my regular route.

So, my motivation to run must be something else. I'm still gasping for air as I climb this hill. Darn, this is not a hill! It feels like a mountain. My heart is racing, and I can feel the pounding of my pulse in the veins crisscrossing my skull. I'm going to be in such great shape when I return to Florida. There it is! My motivation is to get and stay healthy. Running works my heart, expands my lungs, trains my tendons and ligaments. It helps me keep my weight down, which in turn fends off sleep apnea, diabetes, and joint pain. I am motivated to run to maintain my body.

Ouch, tripped on a rock. My ankle slides a little too far to the left, and I run a few more steps to assess the impact. I can run through this. Should I run through this? I want to continue my course and pace, and  whether I should or shouldnt doesn't matter right now. But that's not a healthy choice. It is potentially damaging to run through an injury. So, is my motivation really about maintaining health? Not always, I surmise.

This contemplation is hard! I find an answer and then I wheedle myself away from it. I'm no closer to finding the answer than I was at the beginning of this run. I have to hurry up and find my answer before Marty, one of the Running facilitators, blows the whistle that can be heard across Shambhala land. It's over 600 acres of mountain and forest retreat, but Marty's whistle can pierce through thick tree stands and round bends in the valley. It's loud.

I rein my meandering mind and steer it back to the question. Will this hill never end? I look up from my concentrated stare at the dirt and see her. She's about 50 feet ahead of me. She's always ahead of me! On every run since I arrived here, she's in front of me. I will catch her this time. I speed up, attempting to slightly exceed her cadence. Her legs are short like mine so I'm sure to catch up soon.

Whoa! A hazy veil descends over my field of vision, sounds have become muffled, and all the blood that's supposed to be in my body has jumped into my skull cavity. My heart pounds and I instantly back off my pursuit. This whole oxygen-deficit thing is real! I didn't come to Colorado to sample the health care system, so my attempt to catch up to the fast woman in front of me is over. She, unlike me, continues to dance up the hill like a nimble mountain goat. I plod on, slower, like a lazy pack mule until I reach the Great Stupa. I circumambulate the Stupa while the others behind me  catch up. 

A bit deflated after my failed attempt to overtake my fellow runner, I trot around the Stupa, listening to the gray gravel crackle beneath me. Back to the question: what is my motivation? The answer...a high pitched arrow of sound speeds through the air. I see a mule deer perk her ears.

Contemplation time is over. The whistle has been blown and now it's time to run the final 10 minutes. It's cool down time as we run from the Great Stupa back to the Meditation Hall, a fun downhill jaunt. I truly enjoy this portion.

I watch the other faster runners as they descend the hill, some running so quickly that they hold their arms out to the sides in an attempt brake themselves.  It's a steep downhill, and I know my short legs will be angry at me later for descending so quickly. But it's fun! I fly downward, my arms agape. I'm certain I look like a flying squirrel as I pass into the birch tree stand spanning the tiny river that is oozing with beavers.

No time to look for beavers. My flight continues, and I'm paying close attention to every divet and dip in the gravelly road before me. It twists and turns, and I want to catch up to the fast runners, so I take the inside of the curves.

My head hurts. Where is all of the oxygen? I'm almost there. I can see the other runners mulling around the entrance to the meditation hall. I stride in, glad that I finished the last stretch so well. As I come to a halt, I notice tiny spasms firing off in my quadriceps. They're like miniature fireworks shooting all over my thighs. They're not painful. They feel rather good.

I walk around in large circles, listening to the crunching gravel beneath my worn trail running sneakers. My circles slow down as my heart rate comes back to normal. Other runners are coming in, their faces full of the joy I just experienced from my downhill escapade.

Running is wonderful. It brings joy, it brings pain, it let's me focus on my mind, my body, or the trivialities of daily life. I'm not sure I will ever find the answer to "what is my motivation", but for today's  run it was to enjoy the path of self-discovery.

Tomorrow it will be different, I'm certain.

Equanimity and My Love of Running

I am trying to maintain an even keel with my running. I am not sure what to call "my running". Is it a hobby? No, that glosses over the importance of it. It is a lifestyle, however, I once had a bodybuilder boyfriend who could not shut up about his "bodybuilding lifestyle." I found the phrase so annoying that I refuse to use the word unless absolutely necessary. I think I will from now on refer to it as my "running practice". This does not diminish or overstate the importance that running has to my daily life.

Equanimity. A sense of evenhandedness and composure. I want my running to always be in balance with the rest of my life, although I will admit that it plays a larger role in my life than it does for most. The key for me is to ensure that running always enhances my physical and mental health. When it it causes me harm, then I need to reevaluate my goals and training strategies.

Running is not just a physical activity I engage in for my cardiovascular health. It is just as important to my mental health. It enhances my meditation practice. It gives me something I haven't been able to find anywhere else, a sense of calmness, a slowing of the mind. So why not get the most out of every run that I can?

 

To that end, I have decided to attend a workshop called Running with the Mind of Meditation in Colorado in early September. I had read the book with the same name about 4 months ago. The book was written by the leader of the Shambhala, Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche. It was the first of numerous books on the subject of finding a meditative element while running. I have also read Zen and the Art of Running, and I am currently re-reading it. For subjects like this, it helps me to read a book 2 or more times. I figured, though, that a workshop would be yet another enhancement to my running and meditation practices. 

The joy of vacations are only about 40% contained within the actual vacation time. The remaining 60% of the joy is found in the planning and preparation. Now that I know where and when I  am going, my planning can truly begin. And this is the fun part.